Do you think I am over reacting?

January 9, 2009 on 3:41 pm | By | In bluefreesky.com | Do you think I am over reacting?

OK let me start off by saying we are going through a little rut right now we currently do not have a car so there is this couple who does help us out big time. Takes us places we need to go to and what not. Well I feel like the lady acts like my 9 mth old is more hers than mine.

Like for example, we had to go to the doctors and they took us she came into the waiting room with us and my fiancee was holding the baby and the baby wanted to come to me so I took him. As soon as I took him she puts her arms out and goes "you wanna come to me?"

Another example, EVERY time we go to the store SHE has to push the cart that has Darnell if she doesn't she gets really quiet and just walks kinda behind us like. It's come to the point where she will make sure she gets to push the cart by taking him before we get into the store putting him in a cart and taking it.

Another example, we were down at the hospital because my fiancee had to be emitted (it was the same day as the doc appt) we were walking outside because she was leaving with the baby (the baby had to stay the night at her house since he couldn't stay with us at the hospital) she was carrying the baby I was carrying the car seat at first it was the other way around until (she says it got to heavy) she wanted to switch. Well a lady went by her while she was carrying the baby and said "Oh he's just so cute" And all she said was "Thank you.". The baby is not related to her. I didn't want to be rude but I almost turned around and said thank you that's my son but I bit my tongue yet again with her.

Another time same day in the hospital, my son was getting constipated and I was trying to cut back on starches because that's what he was mostly getting at the time. She gave him some soft pieces of bread and I said to her about it and she just say oh that's cheese. That night he spent the night at her house and she gave him spaghetti. Doesn't noodles have starch in it too? I really was trying to cut him back from his pastas and breads and stuff and give him more fruits and what not.

When he spends the night at her house I'm not so sure they change his diaper right meaning one day we got him back and he still had poop up front. That could cause infection. Another thing, she doesn't put him in his PJ's at night. Never gives him a bath when he stays and ALWAYS holds him.

I understand this lady could never have kids but she did raise one as her own. It was her nephews and the baby got taken off of him because he was on drugs so bad. Ahhh I'm sorry it was so long but I just had to let it all out. My fiancee thought I was over reacting at first but then he saw it the one day she was talking to us like we didn't know our own child. What should I do about this? Should I say something? I've thought about whenever she says "Wanna come to me?" I would just say no I got him. But I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

I do appreciate all the help that they give us I just wish that she would try to stop acting like she's the mother. My fiancee has said well she couldn't have kids. But this is my first one and I didn't have kids so she could treat them like hers and not mine.

look luv,

she seems like a genuinly nice lady who does not seem to know that she is making you feel uncomfortable, that you are thinking shes trying to take over,
i think a resolution would be to maybe sit her down and have a heart to heart conversation
telling her you are trult grateful for all the help she has given but for example when you say NO starches you mean NO starches and could she please abide those rules also i dont mind you holding him and playing with him thats perfectly fine but if your babyy sitting i have a routine wher i change feed and put him to bed at specific times and could she also stick to this because you like to keep consistency in his life with a routine

but i think this lady probably feels like part of your family maybe thinks of you as a daughter and your son like a grandson
i really think she has a lot of love to give and doesn't realize she is being intrusive and stepping over the boundaries i'm sure if you just explain to her whats bothering you it will be OK

otherwise maybe don't use her for babysitting and lifts and try to do things on your own then you wont feel indebted to her
but as i have already said have a heart to heart talk it through she just feels like family

hope i helped

She sounds like a nice and good relative to you and your family. So, why would you want to sour the relation. At the end of the day, you get your child back. YOu should be thankful that you have someone as nice as she is.

Not does she give you rides to places, she also take in your child when both of you were not able to w/out charging babysitting fees.

I don't see it as a problem. You are way over your head. Some people don't have someone like that around and wish they could take some time off.

First of all I will say that you have shown great strength, because if that was me, I would have said something the first time that it happened. That is what you should have done. Now that you have waited until other things have happened, she may feel like you didn't care or that it didn't bother you. What I would do is pull her to the side and point out the problems you have with her. Yes, she does you a favor by taking you places when you need her to, as well as babysitting your son when you need her.( This doesn't mean that she is his MOTHER) But she has to draw the line somewhere. rare Speak to her and let her know how you feel. Do not let her minimize your feelings, or make you feel silly for coming to her to talk about what you have noticed. ( I have a 2 year old.) Just remember, you are that Child's mother, and no matter what anyone says you know what is best for your son. Good Luck

I can say i kind of know where you're coming from. I love my mom to death but sometimes i think she forgets that my child is MINE. I dont really get along with my mother in law to well, she doesnt like me nor do i her...and everytime she is around my child my child cries--i think shes uncomfortable with her. The other day my mom me and kaylee were at olive garden eating, and i was talking about my MIL and my mom said "whats going to be funny is when kaylee goes over there and she tells her 'my granna says i dont have to do anything i dont want'" it rather pissed me off, because its not her place to be telling my child things like that to say to my mil.
Then last week i had to take my baby to the doctor because she was very congested, so they gave her a breathing treatment. It was hard for my to watch my baby taking a breathing treatment, but i sat and held her through the whole tihing and my mother had gone with us, and while i was holding her during the trreatment my mom came over and held her arms out to kaylee & said "do you want your granna to hold you" i said no id rather hold her during this, thanks.

Sometimes it hard to bite your tounge over and over. And sometimes you will make people mad with what you say, but in the end YOU are the mother, so YOU call the shots--i know youre grateful for the help you get, but one person can only take so much.

maybe you could try talking to her. Explain that you are sorry that her nephew was cut off, but you cant bring him back by pretending your baby is hers. Do it nicely, thank her for the help, and invite her to come over and play with the baby. also talk to her about the starches and the baths, pajamas and diaper changes. she may not understand that these things have to be done the right way to bring your child up healthy.
Good luck.

I don't think you're overreacting. But as you stated you are in a rut. I would be irritated myself. But then again, if you do open your mouth as the previous stater said you could sour the relationship. You're in a position where you need someone's help not having an automobile, and also needing someone to take of your child sometimes. So if you do open your mouth, you could potentionally isolate yourself and your fiancee'

If, I was in your position, I would think it through very carefully on possible scenarios that could happen if you speak your mind to this woman. If I had other persons I could rely on, to drive me places I need to go, and take care of my child, then yes I would speak out.
But I would not speak out in a hateful way, since this woman cannot have children of her own. You have to look at it from her angle as well, but it does appear she is over-stepping her boundaries.

Most importantly of all don't burn all your bridges.

#If you have any other info about this subject , Please add it free.#

edit

bluefreesky

welcome to my space