Do you think young adoptees fantasize more or less about...?

January 9, 2009 on 3:11 pm | By | In bluefreesky.com | Do you think young adoptees fantasize more or less about...?
  • How their lives would have been if they know their natural families (the good and the bad parts) or does it make that much of a difference?


  • More or less than whom? Kids who grew up with their own families?

    Adoptees are daydreamers BIG TIME.


  • Absolutely. And the fantasizing would have been less confusing and painful, had we known the truth of our origins while growing up. It does not matter if our adoptive parents were the best in the world- we have another entire family somewhere out there, and think about them often. I thought of all the scenarios- "what if my first mother was a crack whore", "what if my first mother was a famous star", "what if my first mother is dead?"
    It would have been much less traumatic to know her story (which is mine) than to make it up in my head & have it constantly change. I think it would have made ALL the difference.

    To Rusty: you wrote: "Those kind of questions are unhealthy amd serve no purpose....... woulda, coulda, shoulda questions."

    Really? It's unhealthier to deny the truth & to make up silly fantasies in your head.



  • im sure that sometimes they do thinka bout how their life would be different if they hadn't been put up for adoption. But, also i'm sure if they are with a nice family, and they have lots of friends, they dont think about ti as much.


  • Well, if I had known my natural family, I wouldn't have had to wonder every single day of my life if my own mother even loved me.


  • i think if they are anything like me, they spend most of their time day dreaming about their mother.


  • I fantasaized since I can remember. I would walk down the street and see a woman and fantasize that she was my mother or a teacher that I thought looked like she could be my mother.

    I would daydream about what it could have been. Not always positive just a different life. What would they look like? How would they act? What schools would I have gone to? and so on.

    Now I know what my biological family on my mother's side looks like and acts like and what their life is I don't fantasize. But I have found I now fantasize about my father and what he would look like, and whether he has any children and if I had been any different if I knew him.


  • How could they not fantasize it is/was all they had. The real question would be lets see IF their fantasies change by doing yet another social experiment with them and give them that information for the next 100 years.

    If they had their parents stories I'm sure their fantasies would be different.

    Although not an adoptee but rather a surrendering mother, I used to tell everyone my mom was a famous singer, because she really did have a beautiful voice. She had the opportunity to do that, but turned it down because she had 3 kids. That didn't stop me from fantasizing about it. Kids who have no fantasies have nothing, adopted or not. Kids who are not adopted have different fantasies than those who are.


  • For me - I wasn't allowed to even talk about my adoption - let alone know my first family - so I fantasized like crazy - constantly daydreamed.
    I fantasized about the good, the bad and the ugly. (so it wasn't just fantasizing that they were awesome - by any means)
    Every possible scenario wondered through my head - throughout my youth - and even now - for the family members I'm not allowed to know.

    I would think that one would fantasize less if they were actually allowed to personally know ALL their family.
    You would know them - and have contact with them - so you don't need to make stuff up in your head about them.

    ETA: in response to Rusty - the biggest thing with adoption is that the child had NO choice about the adoption.
    Adults can choose to think about things one way or another - but for children/adoptees - their lives are turned upside down by adults - and they are just expected to adjust to the circumstances - and too often expected to even be grateful!!!


  • Two of mine very clearly remember their home and their parents. I don't know if they fantasize more or less than adoptees who don't know their families, or if they just fantasize differently.

    My daughter fantasizes about what it would be like if her mother hadn't died. To be more accurate, she fantasizes about what it would be like if her mother was living with us right now. She tells me her stories and I type them up (because she can't write it fast enough). We're collecting them into what she calls her "Mom Book" and she makes pictures to go with the stories.


  • as an adoptee, i can say i did fantasize about my biological family from time to time. Not a lot, to be honest, but i'd be lying if i said i never did.


  • I'm the oddball...as usual. I never fantasized about it at all and for the first year after I was told of my adoption I was terrified this strange woman was going to come steal me from my family......


  • All kids fantasize at some point about having a different family, or growing up in a different place. ALL kids. The difference with adoptees is that they actually have a family somewhere out there. It is real, but out of reach for many. So, ya, I think they fantasize more, and there is more of an ache because the fantasies are based in reality.


  • Fantasize more than... who? Non-adoptees presumably know their natural families, unless they were in foster care and never adopted.

    I assume you mean more than older adoptees? In which case I would say definitely, because kids in general fantasize more than adults. Everyone fantasizes about the "what ifs" of life; that's not just an adoptee thing. Some adoptees may do it more than non-adoptees, but I think that's personality-related, not a universal law.

    So yes, I'd say adopted children fantasize more about it than adopted adults, because children have a richer fantasy life in general.


  • some fantasize about their mother or father coming back to get them...
    If they are babies, not so much until they are older,unless they are constantly made aware that they are adopted. some adoptees doesn't know anything about the adoption until they are 18. I think that any person will want to know their birth parents if they are adopted. I'm not adopted so I really just giving what I would want to know. A child will love it's parents no matter what hard time it goes through. I've known of people beating their child and the child crying for the parent when the child was taken by child protected services...I used to be a foster parent and the child always said the parents or mon/dad was coming for him/her. Hope I have helped in answering a small portion of your question.


  • I REALLY DON'T KNOW!
    NOR DO I CARE!


  • Hi Kristy,

    Yes. My almost 11 yr old says she wonders often what it would be like to be raised by her other family. She feels torn tho because if she wasn't adopted she wouldn't have us.

    I remind her that everything she feels is right, there is no wrong way to feel. I only pray that her other family lets her in their lives so she can have actual experiences with them.

    Yes, she's a daydreamer. I don't see anything wrong with it. She does weight the good and the bad in both families. She is trying to sort out and make sense of the complexities involved with adoption.

    Here's an example, I would love to live in Florida (bio fam). Sunshine all the time living close to disney world and the ocean. Then i would miss the snow in Wisconsin (us). I love snowboarding, ice-skating and it doesn't seem like Christmas without snow. You see, no wrong or right answers. I think she is just processing everything. I do remind her are you kidding? Florida or Wis? Who wouldn't pick Florida? Well, I don't know i really really like snow. You won't hurt my feelings if you pick Florida. I know, you aren't like that. I just don't know. You don't have to choose. You can winter in WI and summer in FL. Oh yea, i didn't think of that good idea. And off she goes.......


  • I don't know any adoptee to ask so I can only guess and my guess is that they do. I think most people can go back to a certain choice they made that makes them wonder how their lives and the ones they touch would be different if they had made a different choice.. Those kind of questions are unhealthy amd serve no purpose....... woulda, coulda, shoulda questions.







    • #If you have any other info about this subject , Please add it free.#
    Your name:
    E-mail:
    Telphone:

    Your comments:


    If you have any other info about Do you think young adoptees fantasize more or less about...? , Please add it free.