Grammer check etc

January 9, 2009 on 1:12 pm | By | In bluefreesky.com | Grammer check etc
  • I need the following check for grammer, flow, etc. I would also like to see if it could be expanded to 800 words. A Time For Change: Never has a nation enjoyed a greater range of individual rights. America is the freest nation that the world has ever seen. People all over the world want to come to America to enjoy that freedom, and that is also why America is considered "the melting pot of the world". We enjoy a democratic form of government. Americans enjoy many rights such as the right to vote, freedom of speech, and numerous other rights. Many of the rights we experience are due to the liberal political movement. In recent years the liberal movement has been taking aim at some of America's undemocratic institutions, most notably the US military. The US military stands ready and able to tackle almost every challenge they face, except allowing homosexuals to serve in its ranks. Public attitude about the role of homosexuals in the military has gained steady interest over the last three decades. According to a poll conducted in June of 1977, for example, fifty-one percent of the public believed that homosexuals should be allowed to serve in the military. In a similar poll conducted in May of 2002, a larger number, seventy-two percent, believed that homosexuals should be allowed to serve in the military (Torres-Reyna, Oscar and Shapiro. Public Opinion Quarterly: Chicago. Winter 2002). As part of our society, homosexuals have effectively functioned as brothers, bosses, coworkers, athletes, police officers, entertainers, investment advisors, attorneys, and much, much more. Since homosexuals have functioned so effectively in the general public, there is no reason to think that they should not be effective members of the military. Research of the military in Canada, France, Germany, Israel, the Netherlands, Norway, and the United Kingdom showed that ?few homosexuals acknowledge their sexual orientation. Acknowledged homosexuals very seldom challenged the norms and customs of their organizations. Anti-homosexual sentiment did not disappear, but heterosexual?s behavior toward homosexuals was more moderate than might have been expected. Effectiveness of the organization has not been diminished by the presence of homosexuals. Recruitment and retention of personnel has not been affected by a policy of nondiscrimination. Implementation is most successful where the message is unambiguous, consistently delivered, uniformly enforced. Leadership is critical in this regard? (Rand Research Brief. www.rand.org/publications/RB/RB7537/). Finally and most importantly, all American citizens are protected by the Constitution of the United States, where it is illegal for employers to discriminate based on race, color, creed, religion, national origin, disability, sex, marital status, age and retaliation. Homosexuals have not been singled out. The military excludes many categories of personnel from service; single parents, felons, the physically handicapped. Some services have polices excluding people on the basis of height and weight, physical and mental ability, visual accuracy, educational history, and age (Wells-Petry, Melissa. Commentary. Wall Street Journal. 1 Feb 1993). Members of the military are more conservatively minded people when compared to the general public (www.cyberessays.com/Politics/136.htm). According to a poll conducted in June of 1993, military personnel overwhelmingly opposed lifting the restrictions on homosexuals serving in the military (Rand Research Brief. www.rand.org/publications/RB/RB7537/). Because of this mindset, lifting the ban on homosexuals in the military could have divesting and dangerous consequences. Morale would be undermined, and when morale is undermined, the effectiveness of the military would plummet. At the present time in history American can boast that it has the finest military in the world bar none, if the ban on homosexual was lifted there is a chance that the military mindset could regress to those experienced during the Vietnam was era, where discipline was at its worst. Finally, no civilian career can compare to a career in the military because of the high levels of stress. Members experience stress due to long deployments in combat environments. Not just limited to homosexuals, stress can have catastrophic affects to individuals. Homosexuals' living in extremely close quarters at deployed locations with others of the same sex has the chance of razing already elevated stress levels even further severely hampering America's was fighting capability. There is no doubt in my mind that the American military should lift the ban on homosexuals serving in the military. Homosexuals have functioned effectively in the general public, so in my opinion there is no reason to think that they should not be effective members of the military. We all know homosexuals have served and are still serving in the military; they have handled combat stress just like any other individual. They lived in close quarters with others of the same sex with no problems. As long as the military establishes clear and effective standards of professional conduct there is no reason to believe that lifting the ban on homosexuals would have a damaging affect on the military.


  • This is just my opinion, but some of the paragraphs need to be "broken up". For instance, the First paragraph has 2 points and should be "broken up" as follows: Never has a nation enjoyed a greater range of individual rights. America is the freest nation that the world has ever seen. People all over the world want to come to America to enjoy that freedom, and that is also why America is considered "the melting pot of the world". We enjoy a democratic form of government. Americans enjoy many rights such as the right to vote, freedom of speech, and numerous other rights. Many of the rights we experience are due to the liberal political movement. In recent years the liberal movement has been taking aim at some of America's undemocratic institutions, most notably the US military. The US military stands ready and able to tackle almost every challenge they face, except allowing homosexuals to serve in its ranks. To expand your paper, perhaps you can talk about how the Ban hinders the ability for Homesexual personnel/soldiers to do their job. You will also want to check out the following source and their many press releases and publications: Center for the Study of Sexual Minorities in the Military [Homepage: http://www.gaymilitary.ucsb.edu/index.htm] Study Examines Contributions of Gay Troops to Mideast Wars Gay Army Ranger, Brian Hughes, Participated in Jessica Lynch Rescue [URL: http://www.gaymilitary.ucsb.edu/PressCenter/press_rel_2004_0915.htm] hope that helps. -googleexpert


  • A little late but I couldn't resist a quicky grammar exercise this morning before work. ======================= Never has any nation enjoyed a greater range of individual rights. America is a nation whose citizens enjoy liberties unique only to this country. People all over the world emigrate to America to enjoy that taste of freedom, which is why America is considered "the world's melting pot." **Rewrote the opening paragraph to vary the length of your sentences. Plus I got stuck on the word "freest." Period *inside* closing quote unless you're a Brit. ======================= Americans are privileged to participate in a democratic form of government. We enjoy many rights such as the right to vote, freedom of speech, and numerous other rights. Many of the rights we experience are due to the liberal political movement. In recent years the liberal movement has taken aim at some of America's more autocratic institutions, most notably the US military. **Tweaked this a bit and substituted "has been taking" for "has taken" for an active voice. Also, I'd work on "rights" repetition. Also changed "undemocratic" to "autocratic" for variety and the contradictory feel "undemocratic" had with what went before. ======================= Members of the military are more conservatively minded people when compared to the general public (www.cyberessays.com/Politics/136.htm). **I know you're quoting from cyberessays here, but I think you could lose "people" in that sentence and just say "conservative-minded." "Members," "people," and public" seems redundant in that short space. I would chose another source or rewrite that section yourself -- if it's not too late. ======================== Because of this mindset, lifting the ban on homosexuals in the military could have divesting and dangerous consequences. Morale would be undermined, and when morale is undermined, the effectiveness of the military would plummet. **I don't think you need the 2 & 2-ness here. "Morale would be undermined and the effectiveness of the military would plummet." ======================== At the present time in history, American can boast that it has the finest military in the world (omit "bar none") Redundancy with "finest." Then start a new sentence here.... If the homosexual ban were lifted, there is a chance that the military mindset could regress to that experienced during the Vietnam was era, when discipline was at its worst. **I changed "was" to "were." This is conditional mood, very similar to subjunctive mood, which many feel is outdated but is still 'proper.' http://wordpolish.com/ref/was.html Also, I changed "those" to "that" as *military mindset* is considered singular. Changed "where" to "when" for congruency with "era." ======================= Finally, no civilian career can compare to a career in the military because of the high levels of stress. Members experience stress due to long deployments in combat environments. Not just limited to homosexuals, stress can have catastrophic effects on (affects to) individuals. Homosexuals ( no apostrophe; it's plural, not possessive) living in extremely close quarters at deployed locations with others of the same sex run the risk? (has the chance) of raising already elevated stress levels even further severely hampering America's (was) fighting capability. **Too much "stress" in that graph. I'd whip out the old thesaurus and rewrite a few synonyms. ======================== There is no doubt in my mind that the American military should lift the ban on homosexuals serving in the military. Homosexuals have functioned effectively in the general public so, in my opinion, there is no reason to think that they should not be effective members of the military. **Your interrupter is "in my opinion," so that phrase requires huggable commas around it. I would also use a graph like this as a closer and maybe insert a "for the above reasons" phrase to justify your position. ======================== We all know homosexuals have served and are still serving in the military; they (have) handled combat stress just like any other individual. They (have -- for case consistency with previous sentence) lived in close quarters with others of the same sex with no problems. As long as the military establishes clear and effective standards of professional conduct, (comma after this introductory phrase) there is no reason to believe that lifting the ban on homosexuals would have a damaging effect (affect) on the military. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hope this helpful but writing is subjective. I think most GA researchers are reluctant to offer our opinions as any kind of 'answer' when it's really just us speaking. Rarely can you get an 'answer' on a writing sample from one person -- or in a hurry. FYI and curmudgeonly, V


  • Good comments. Remember... White space is your friend.


  • Hmmm The grammar, spelling and layout is horrible. I've always believed that punctuation and white space is essential - if one wants to get ones point across. The subject is curious. Did you know that the Spartans had a regiment of homosexuals ? They fought as mentor and catamite. Alexander decimated them ten times over. - not an easy job, but the s*ds would not surrender. I'm pretty sure that I have read something about a British General recommending homosexual regiments. Possibly an interesting idea - the Pink Berets.


  • I would like to see if I can get a response back tonight. Sorry for the rush.


  • Here are a few of my observations. ====================================================================== "The US military stands ready and able to tackle almost every challenge they face, except allowing homosexuals to serve in its ranks." You need to decide whether "The US military" is singular or plural. You can't have it both ways in one sentence. ====================================================================== There are numerous errors here: "At the present time in history American can boast that it has the finest military in the world bar none, if the ban on homosexual was lifted there is a chance that the military mindset could regress to those experienced during the Vietnam was era, where discipline was at its worst." ====================================================================== "Homosexuals' living in extremely close quarters at deployed locations with others of the same sex has the chance of razing already elevated stress levels even further severely hampering America's was fighting capability." "Razing" means "tearing down" or "destroying." You probably mean "raising."







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