I want to become a surrogate mother... but how? Advice from others who have done this?

January 9, 2009 on 3:55 pm | By | In bluefreesky.com | I want to become a surrogate mother... but how? Advice from others who have done this?
  • I am currently pregnant with my first child... but I have always wanted to be a surrogate mother. I wanted to wait until I had my own, so that there would be no emotional attachment holding me back or anything. Anyways, I am due in May... and wouldn't be thinking of doing this until at least 6-12 months after... but I really want to do it.

    I want to give a couple something that they will never forget. There is nothing more amazing than helping someone have a child that can't.

    Anyways, I was wondering if anyone could help me find out more information on becoming one, especially in Georgia (in the US for those that live in UK).



    Also, if you have been a surrogate, share your stories please!!


  • Heres the sight on it
    http://www.surrogatemothers.com/
    Just keep in mind that the child will think you are its mother if it goes through the pregnancy with you.


  • You should ask the women that were surrogates that ended up fighting to keep the children they couldn't prevent bonding with no matter how much the adoptive parents praised their generosity or offered to pay.


  • Surrogacy is creepy to the "nth" degree. I suspect that women who do this have a serious problem with self esteem and have to go to extraordinary measures to get approval from others.

    I hope that you have a wonderful birth experience. The joy that you feel when you hold your baby in your arms the first time is overwhelming.

    If you feel the same way after giving birth, I strongly suggest that you find a way of fulfilling your self worth that does not involve messing with an innocent child's head.


  • Babies aren't stupid. They're wired, by nature, to know intimately the voice, heartbeat, scent, moods, feel, personality, etc. of the woman they grew inside of. They are wired by nature to expect that same woman to hold and nurture them. If the do not have that, it's a huge trauma. You're taking a massive crap shoot taking the chance that this trauma won't affect the child throughout life. Children are not things to be created and given away. They are human beings. Try giving away your family and going to live with strangers. It really is not different just because the child is an infant. They still KNOW they are not with the people they knew before and who they expected. They KNOW they were abandoned by the one who should have loved and cared for them. Seriously, if you're not willing to consider the child's feelings in all this, don't ask questions here. This is not a place where you'll get a lot of hand-holding and "good for you" crap. What you're considering doing is harmful to the child, and not a lot of people here are going to be gung-ho about harming a child for the benefit of adults.


  • "I only plan to have one child of my own, and I want to surrogate for up to 3 others in my lifetime."

    You have a goal to be a broodmare? Congradulations




  • first, i wish you a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.

    but....

    yikes... on the surrogacy thing.

    my belief: i'd only become a surrogate if i can have sex with the woman's husband (only if he's hot). hell, if i can share my womb, body...why can't she share something. /sarcasm

    sorry. it's creepy. i've tried to wrap my mind around it, but the whole thing gives me pause. also, there's waaaay too many pregnancy related issues that can happen. if i'm going to suffer from hemorrhoids and incontence, i'd prefer it be for kids that i'm parenting... sorry.

    also, how do you KNOW there would be no emotional attachment?

    and i echo other's belief...a child is NOT A GIFT to give someone who most likely wants a kids because they pissed away their fertility.


    ETA: i just read you other questions..for instance, you asked "what's wrong...if you don't tell the child???" um...so, do you also plan to hire a fiction writer so that the woman has a lie to tell the kid about her pregnancy and birth??? this is getting creepier the more i read.


  • Can I just ask one thing: all of you who are criticizing this, have you ever been a surrogate mother or a surrogate baby yourself? Because I have. My sister couldn't carry a child but wanted one more than anything in the world. Watching her every time she took a pregnancy test and it turned up negative was absolutely devastating to see even though it wasn't happening to me. Her and her husband were thinking about having a surrogate mother because they wanted this child to have their genetics preferably. I knew as soon as they mentioned this idea to me that I wanted to be their surrogate. At first, they didn't want me to do it because they thought it might not work out or something might go wrong but I went to the doctors, got myself all checked out and, when I told her that I was perfectly capable of carrying their baby, they agreed. I didn't live too far away from them and they were there throughout the whole pregnancy. To me, all the way through the pregnancy, I knew who were these babies parents. I mean, it was their eggs and sperm, I was just carrying the twins. When I gave birth and watched them hold their little girls, I knew I had done the right thing and I knew that they were always going to be the parents. The girls are aware that I carried them but they always know who their parents are. I am just their aunt who did a nice thing for her sister and brother-in-law.

    If I was ever asked to be a surrogate again for my sister, I would do it in a heartbeat and I know that if the situation were reversed, she'd do it for me. I never thought about being a surrogate before but if you could stop the tears of someone you cared for, wouldn't you?

    To whoever was talking about this in terms of adoption, they are completely different. One is parents not wanting their child or not being able to cope with having a child so they put them up for adoption. The other is a woman who has a couple's fertilised egg implanted inside her and carries this couple's baby for 9 months. Everyone keeps saying a child knows their mother, the surrogate is not their mother. She is the carrier. A baby does know their mother and their father but the surrogate is not either and the child may have a slight connection with them but it will be like an aunt - you love them but not as much as you love your parents. Saying a child will automatically love their surrogate more than their actual parents because she carried them is like saying a child is automatically going to love their mother more than their father because she carried them. I can tell you, that isn't always the case.

    I'm afraid I live in the UK and I don't know much about surrogacy for strangers but maybe you could ask around at hospitals or adoption agencies and see what you can find out. Surrogacy is one of the greatest things in life and I say good for you for allowing a couple to have a child. Ignore the people who are being rude because they don't know. Yes they can have their own opinions and they are completely entitled to them but have they been through it? They don't know. I do agree that a child is not a gift (unless you are religious and want to argue about the whole gift from god stuff) and you will have some bond but the parent's bond will be much greater I'm sure. I wish you good luck in the future with your baby and your surrogacies.

    I would just like to say that I am not trying to offend anyone but merely giving my own opinion. If you do not agree with it, then you are completely entitled to not agree just as you are entitled to your own view. I just wanted to give a first-hand experience of what it is like.

    One more thing - sorry I know it is really long! - this link, http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/, is about a boy who's mother got pregnant just to give him away. It is completely irrelevant to this situation.


  • I think I see your genuine desire to be good to others and give a gift as you say. I do have issues with women renting other women's wombs out to have a child. It reeks of exploitation of one's body, although you say you want to do it to help someone, but really people would be exploiting you regardless of your desire.

    I also think a better "gift" for someone may be to donate your time to helping children and parents in need of time, sitting, parenting classes, respite etc. that is something that we need right now, not renting your womb out.

    I am not anti-adoption, nor am I anti-infertility (we did various treatments). But sometimes things just feel wrong, and this for me is one of them.
    I think there is more research for you to do before you go on this venture. Why put yourself through a medical procedure and put your body at risk to fill another woman's desire, it just doesn't make sense. Fostering a child already in existence, well that makes the most sense and is the greatest gift.


  • Well generally one canâ ™t be a surrogate unless they have had at least one pregnancy already. I think you are wrong that you wouldnâ ™t have the same bond regardless if the baby was biological yours or not. You would be the one to carry the child and you and the baby would bond during the pregnancy. It would be your voice, scent and all that other jazz that this baby would know. The baby wouldnt know the difference that you weren't biological its mother all it would know is this is the person it grew/lived in.

    Now if you want to be a surrogate that is your choice. You would be wise to at least do a bit of research on it.

    Edit â “ The most common surrogacy involve the surrogate using her own egg. Yes as far as a baby is concerned whoever they grow in is their mother. This is the woman that the baby will be look for once they are born.


  • Why do you think you won't have any emotional attachments just because you've already had a child? Would you not be attached to a second child?

    Also, what about the emotional attachment of the child who will already be bonded to you?


  • Sorry to break your bubble - but no child is a 'gift' - and the child will still feel a terrible loss from being given away from the mother he/she grew in.
    And - you will probably feel the loss also.
    Here is the blog written by a surrogate baby - now all grown up.
    http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/

    No child wants to be given away. No child wants to be a gift.
    You may think the child won't know - but the child will. That child bonds with you for 9 long months. It's a trauma to be thrust into the hands of strangers.
    (look into develop of baby brains - research now shows that this causes trauma to the child)

    And you want to do this to 3 children???
    Sorry - but as an adoptee - that was given away a few days after birth - that knows hundreds of adoptees from similar situations - what you are thinking of is cruel to the child.

    You may want it.
    A couple wanting a baby may want it.
    THE CHILD DOES NOT WANT IT.

    Making babies - for the sole purpose of giving them away - is cruel - and the baby has no say.
    Please reconsider - do research - read - learn.
    I don't want to see more screwed up children - trying to fulfill adult dreams.
    Thanks.

    ETA: Read up on it - look into infant brain development - look at attachment theory.
    It doesn't matter if the child is not biologically yours.
    The child will know.
    Children grow inside a woman for 9 months.
    They the know the heart beat, hear the voice, are in tune with their gestational mother.
    The evidence is out there. Brain research has come along way.
    Just because a baby can't stand up and say - "This sucks - I want to go back to the mother that I grew inside" - doesn't mean the child will never know.
    How ignorant!!!!
    Talk to those that work in hospitals. When babies are handed back to their mothers - they stop crying - immediately.
    You can hold your ears and scream that I'm telling lies - but I am at least sticking up for the children that have NO say in being designer babies.
    And - what - you're sticking up for the adults that already have a voice of their own???!!!
    Shame really. I hope the children are given loads of therapy.
    Nature says that children are meant to stay with the people who have them.
    Not made - and given away.
    JMHO.

    ETA2: Some articles to start your reading - although I'm sure - by the tone of your email you sent me - that you won't bother to research or take on another view - because that would rain on your 'sunshine & rainbows parade' -

    http://www.healingresources.info/article...
    http://www.dreamhawk.com/prem12.htm
    http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/tul/psychtod...
    http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/schore-200...
    http://home.mweb.co.za/to/torngren/first...
    http://www.birthpsychology.com/birthscen...
    http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_ba...
    http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/perry96.ph...


  • Actually, you're doing the right thing by having a baby of your own. Most surrogate and egg donor organizations require women, or prefer that someone have a baby (that way they know for sure you are fertile enough and healthy enough to have a baby--they won't want to risk a miscarriage). Additionally, being a surrogate does not mean you are just giving a baby away like some useless toy. Being a surrogate is serious business, because you are helping a mother and father who are not able to have children of their own. While it is rewarding, there are emotional drawbacks to consider (because you will get attached), but if you are strong and willing to accept it all of the consequences good and bad, then more power to you. Remember, it is a choice that only you can make. Your body, your ideals, all you and no one else (what the adversaries say matters not at all). You know why you want to do this, believe in it and believe in yourself. Good luck.

    OH!
    go to eggdonor.com or craigslist on the ETC or part-time gigs, and there are dozens of links that will say Surrogates Needed or Become a Surrogate Mother--


  • IMO every child of mine is too precious to give away. If I lost one of my children, I would grieve that loss forever.
    Our children are a part of us, none of them deserve to be given away.

    I can tell you there is much more to being a parent than voice recognition. It is smell, sight, voice recognition, genetic mirroring. Did you know that newborns can pick out their own mother's face from a crowd?

    Mothers are not replaceable. Children are not disposable. Think about it.


  • I wanted to wait until I had my own, so that there would be no emotional attachment holding me back or anything.

    You will become attached. If it's your egg, the child will be half yours. You will become attached and even if you think you aren't, when you give birth and go home empty handed you will know you are attached.

    I understand why you want to become a surrogate. My friends daughter was a surrogate and she had no idea how hard it was going to be to give up that baby and go on with her life.


  • I am with u 100% on this 1 I would love 2 b a surrogate mum 2 it will b very hard if its my own eggs used as i no the baby would b apart of me but if i was just carrying a baby 4 a couple n it was the Lady's own eggs it will b a lot easier my friend can't carry a child as her womb is heart shaped but she still ovulate so i would b more than happy 2 carry a child 4 her n even though i will c the child i will b adopted aunt so hope this helps n good luck with your baby in May n the choice u make in helping a family become complete you r so kind
    NEVER let any1 tell u u r SELFISH cas your not


  • Having a baby only to abandon him/her ON PURPOSE is just gross and cruel.

    "The inside of every womb looks the same, and with the real parents there to hold it right after birth, it will never know a difference other than voice."

    This statement is so wrong, on so many levels - you will know this once you've given birth to your first baby. Babies know you, want you and need YOU, their MOTHER. Not a substitute!


  • ok, a baby is not a GIFT, you sound more selfish than i have heard a person be in ages,

    read this and see what you will be doing to this poor child:

    http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/


  • Surrogacy is creepy. Period.

    If you didn't want people's honest opinions, why did you post a question here? Why not just talk to your friends and family members who will surely think it's a FABULOUS idea for you to give away a child.

    Freak.


  • I just wanted to say that while I haven't done a surrogacy myself, I know a lady who did. She carried the biological child of a couple and she found the experience wonderful and fulfilling. The child is healthy, happy and the family is doing wonderfully.







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